to Him we will all return

most of all I wish her well
although it seems impossible
but what am I suppose to do
I can't just sit here and see this thru'

as I look at her on the bed, so frail
I can't help thinking how much I've failed
there's so much more I wish i'd done
to show her my love and appreciation

I hope she is not hurting so much
I hope she's comforted by my touch
I want to lie down there with her
and together I hope, we'll be braver

I think about the life we live
and all the love I've been showered with
I've seen and know how good she is
Her soul is safe, that's how it feels

As I sit here silent, by her bedside
My soul's detached from the world outside
Somehow what's out there feels surreal
They forget the fate with which we're sealed.

Oh God, Oh God, please make her well
Please take away this difficult spell
But if You've decreed it's time for her
Then take her lightly, don't make her suffer

I will continue to pray for her
what's best for now, and the Hereafter
Verily to God, we all belong
and to Him we will all return.


~madame blossom~

***********

this was how I think and felt
as I lay with my late grandma, on her deathbed.
May her soul be in Allah's rahmah. Ameen.

and i dedicate this to my dear sis fiza. though I think and hope, the situation is not exactly the same. For I pray that she will be with you for a longer time. In fact, I even imagine her, still being with you, when you're having ur first baby later. :) Ameen, ameen, ya rabbal a'lamin.

becoming Muslim, through a good seminary education

I've always been amazed at our new brothers and sisters in Islam, especially the westerners.

Yes, especially the western converts perhaps for these reasons:

1) It's easier to find the stories related to their conversions, compared to people of other ethnicity.
2) They're able to express themselves, and about their conversions, in a clear and moving way.
3) Most of them are well-educated, well-informed individuals, both in the worldly education, in their own former religion, and in Islam.
4) The reasons behind their conversion, so far that I've read, have always been, because of what they see in exemplary Muslims, followed by what they find in the Quran, or directly from what they learn or found in the Quran.
5) They seem to be more sincere, more devout and better Muslims, than a LOT of born-Muslims, and I become inspired by what they experience and see in Islam.

The above does not take into account those who convert just to marry a Muslim and/or Malay woman, but don't know much about the religion they are converting to.

Most of all, I am impressed by conversions of high priests, preachers, pastors, ministers from the Christian religion. I'd like to understand WHY and WHAT made them choose Islam instead.

Quite a long time ago, before I knew or had access to stories of such conversions, I have wondered before.. how a high priest/preacher/pastor/minister/nuns etc.. who have learned about what early Christianity is about - can accept what is happening to the faith and acts of Christians in the modern world. Most bewildering, would be the fact that they LOVE Jesus Christ (A.S) - and yet, not follow his teachings - but they obey the teachings of people who have not even met him before. Don't they question the differences and who the authorities are?

A Christian friend have told me before, and she is a normal worshipper - that ACTUALLY, Christians are not allowed to drink alcohol too, or eat the flesh of swine. The Bible also says, not to worship idols - they are not allowed to have statues etc.. THEN.. why are there statues of Jesus Christ (Isa A.S.) and/or Mary (Maryam A.S.) in ALL some churches? What happened to all these things that Christians are forbidden to do, why are they ignored? I just remember her smiling, unable to answer these questions that are probably in the back of her mind too. Another one answered that it's permitted later on.. later on as in few hundred years after Christ - who permitted them? What powers do they have to change God's laws?

Those are some of the questions that sometimes play in my mind, when I think of our fellow 'People of the Book'

Most of my questions and wondering were answered that time, when I learnt of Dr Jerald, an ex minister in a Methodist Church, with a Master and PhD in Theology studies (studies of Christianity), who converted to Islam. I missed his talk on 'Finding the Light' - about his conversion to Islam. But luckily, that story is in his book, so I read that - and it is interesting by itself. The story is also here on this website. (My eyes welled at the part when he explained his position, about his beliefs to the American Muslim lady, wife of the restaurant owner.)

What I attended was a talk on 'Early Christianity'.

In his talk, he touched on the differences in opinion between the Early Christians and the Contemporary Christians, on the 4 issues, of which I remember 3 - Divinity of Jesus and Trinity, if Jesus was crucified, atonement of the blood (I'm not sure what the last one is about). Notice that it's NOT differences with the Muslims but with Early Christianity.

I can't go into details, because I can't quote back all the Biblical versions and sources, and the different early Christian sects he mentioned in his lectures - I lost track of them - there are so many. But some people at the talk, including some non Muslims, were busy taking down notes or recording the lecture.

Basically what he was trying to explain and show, was what he learnt and found during his seminary education. And basically, what he found was that, Contemporary Christians beliefs and methods, does not agree with what the Early Christians believes, in all the 4 issues he brought up.

And he tried very much, to sound as neutral as possible about what he has studied, without being biased to what the Quran has to say, although he did quote verses from the Quran which agrees with the Early Christians beliefs.

What is also interesting to me, is the person he is, how he chooses what to answer or what not to answer and how he answers them. Two questions asked by the audience that I remember most is :

1) What do you have to say about the phrase in the Bible that says, Jesus said, 'I and the Father are one' (John 10:30)
Dr Jerald paused, with a little exasperated look, then he asked nicely. 'One.. one in what? One in body? One in mission? One in vision? one in.. what?' He stopped at that.

2) How did you become a Muslim?
He said, :When people ask me that, I always ask them if they want the long answer or the short one? But since we've run out of time, I'll give you the short one... 'How did I become a Muslim?' - by having a good seminary education'

:)

life in HereAfter

My day, has been quite hazy.. i think it's my head. thinking of too many things at the same time.

I guess I'm feeling quite melancholic. What with my thought about getting Hadi to go for a checkup to see if there is any reason to worry about his frequent headaches, and Fiza's mum.. and about my mum's friend who passed away quite suddenly, just a few days after meeting my mum and telling her that she doesn't have any major illnesses and that she's healthy. I wonder if she said that to comfort herself, because she had a hunch of what's coming. You know how people sometimes say that, people somehow know their time is coming up?

Basically I'm just thinking about life and death in general.. about what I'm doing, and about how long more I will see those familiar routes, those roads that I always take, those trees and skies that I've always admired, those faces and friends that I adore always. But it's not all sad, you know.. As I look at the skies, I remembered in the Quran, there is a mention of how we will see the beauty of the different hues in Heaven. When I look at the morning sky.. those different colours and hues.. I wonder how much more wonderful and indescribably beautiful it will be. Then yesterday I half-watched the movie 'Matrix Revolution' which was on Channel 5 (switching on and off to Liverpool/Aston Villa game)... at the end of the movie, they showed this beautiful I'm-sure-camera-enhanced colourful sky .. That made me remember what I read in the Quran again.

"But for those who, of their Sustainer's presence, stand in fear, two gardens (of paradise are readied);
which then, of your Sustainers powers can you disavow?
(Two gardens) of many wondrous hues.
Which then, of your Sustainers powers can you disavow?"

Al Quran, Ar-Rahman 55:46-49
(Translation by Muhammad Asad)

MasyaAllah.. i think everything in this world, and everything that we do is surreal.

And Reality.. is going to be much much much more unimaginably beautiful for those who believe in One God, and who live their lives righteously. And I pray that you and I and our beloved families will continue to be God-Conscious and righteous people, who will earn the goodness of both this world and the HereAfter and that we will die in Iman, and in Allah's grace, when our time comes. Ameen, ameen, ameen.

life updates

If I could give you a few updates at once, I'd say :


I'm thankful that Nadhrah is well, and I hope Hadi is too. Ameen.

I love my new transparent page markers. It's so colourful and useful!

I'm having chocolate coated hazelnuts now.. yes, so early in the morning.

I miss my sisters who I was suppose to meet last Sat, but God had other plans.

I'm thankful to have a 'kaki' whose husband is as 'lenient' as mine, and we can go out for a drink almost whenever we need to (and we can).

I need to talk to her, and tell her how I feel and advise her about her problems.

I will continue to signal, before changing lanes even if it means that some infantile will pick up speed to block the way, and go 'nenenenene.. I WIN!!!' in their head. SOMEONE has to set an example on how to be matured and courteous.

For now, I'll choose the last one. I have to spread the courtesy message. Although yup, I didn't sound as courteous as I shud be in that message itself. But that's how I really feel.

Yes, I owe some people the entry on the talk. I've drafted it halfway.. and then a lot of things came up - like having to spend 1 and 3/4 days at the hospital.

Fiza just called to inform me about her mum. I pray that Fiza's mother will be most comfortable, and Allah knows what's best for her, and that Fiza will be strong. Ameen.

..life oh life.

Sat morning at KKH

This time, it's not as bad as last year. Last year, I think her O2 level was in the 70s. This time it's 92. Normal is 99 to 100.

After the puffs n oxygen gas n medicine, her oxygen level, on her own was still 92, sometimes 91. And so Nadhrah is admitted again to KKH.

This would be the first time since we moved.

Good for her, she managed to enjoy her zoo trip yesterday morning.

Anyway, I'm quite hopeful that she will recover and we'll be discharged. If not today, tomorrow. InsyaAllah. I.o