Madame Blossom's Book of Poems

Friday, February 10, 2006

Wanting a guy who looks good.

Sometimes people look good just because they are confident.. not because they are good looking. That's why most lead singers look attractive even though they're not really that good looking. I mean if he was not a lead singer of some famous band, he'd probably be the normal 'mat' to you on the streets. Nothing great.

Of course there is another hidden factor, why people (especially the girls), are crazy about these singers. It's the 'I got him!' good feeling that they have. Other girls, don't get him.
This is the real, REAL reason why we fall for good looking guys (It's true.. think deep, very deep - analyse ur feelings.. break it down to the simplest form). The fact is that, the 'wow' factor to 'good-looking' person is only a while and when you still don't get that person. Once you're close and you see the good looking person regularly.. you don't feel the 'wow' everytime - the effect is normalised already. In fact, he becomes like some other normal guys.. with the normal guy problems. Of course, you have in fact more problems with good looking guys. You're constantly jealous or on the look out to ensure that he doesn't end up with any other girls.

However, the 'I got him!' feeling still remains.. especially when you see other girls jealously looking at you and him. This 'I got him' feeling is related to wanting to always have something better than others.

So, if we learn how to be thankful for what we have, and accept what others have as their rezeki, then it's easier for the girl to be attracted to guys - not for the 'I got him!' factor, but because the guy is truly good for her. And if you want the guy to look good - just help him be confident in himself and portray that confidence (yet, humble!). He'll look good. Confident BUT arrogant guys, DON'T look good, no matter how handsome he is - meluatkan lagi ada..

Monday, February 06, 2006

Too much TV and movies saps my TIME and energy

A little bit of this and that is ok. Like watching TV or a movie, once in a while, in a blue moon, is ok. But do it regularly, I feel like my energy and my life is being sucked out of my body. How?

While you're watching that lifeless box, life and TIME goes on around you.. tasks to be completed/knowledge to be gained/ amal to be done/the book to be read/ friends to be contacted - all just sitting there, waiting to get done, while we just sit or lie there like a zombie, just WATCHING that TV set. The seconds, minutes and hours ticking away.. and you're sitting there.. doing NOTHING.. just WATCHING this people on TV, who actually have got nothing to do with you. (Suddenly I'm reminded of some people who watches 'DIA' - the Indonesian series. They sit there religiously every week, for an hour or so, getting angry and stressed over the story. Then, when they meet, they talk about this characters on the show like as if, it's some real problems that they have. Cute.. sad.. Kalau dah stress gitu.. how you call it 'entertainment' eh?

You may say that some movies teaches us about life, kaza wa kaza. Well there is only very few that does that. Those that makes you think about your own life and enable you to deal with your own situation better. But those kind of movies or shows are far too few. As for the masses, how do they tell which movies teaches them the right stuff? Or which ones are just exagerated stuff. Most of these people sit there watch them believing every part of it. And expecting the same kind of thing to happen to them. Sometimes the expectations are tooooo high, thanks to these movies. In real life.. it doesn't happen that way. Some good examples are romance movies.

The lead actor/hero is very good looking AND sooo romantic, AND sooo nice and faithful, AND treats the lady soooooo nicely. He buys her flowers and open doors and will put up with all her sulkings.. waaaaaaaaaaah... fat hope. If you watch these kind of movies to much, you get absorbed into them and you can't help but hope and wish for this kind of guy to come around - but of course they almost never will because they don't exist! You see, nobody is sooo perfect. The ladies then expects of their partner the same level of care and romance and kaza wa kaza.. dream on. Then problems in relationship arises because of this high expectations.

A psychology professor, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, from Caremont Graduate University, California wrote this (Sunday Times, Singapore 2nd January 2005):
"Watching too much TV induces passivity, both at the level of neural functioning and of behaviour and that it interferes with learning and reduces political and civic participation. It also encourages aggressive behaviour in children and produces negative moods, such as sadness and loneliness. Nor is there any evidence of benefits to counterbalance these negative effects.....Those who spend hours watching it each evening, with less and less control over their attention and deriving progressively less enjoyment from what they watch, risk becoming as besotted as an alcoholic who feels alive only when he blots out reality." Nauzubillah!

So, not only it wastes your time, it makes you have unrealistic expectations in life, almost blocking out reality, AND makes us forget about things that should matter most to us, like - have we done enough good to help us kat AKHIRAT nanti??

I literally feel restless and weak, when I watch TV, movies, VCDs too regularly. I find myself thinking about the movies, about the show about the people in the show, like apasal dalam movie tu.. heroine dia camni, camtu. Or that concert is very good, will I ever have the chance to talk to the lead singer about his work (by the way I watched Spider LIVE at Planet on VCD- it's good! they are very good)... then suddenly I'll wake up, 'Why am I so concerned and thinking about all these things ni?? When I should be thinking that I haven't been teaching my children ngaji!' Sigh.. I'm easily distracted. Astaghfirullah.

Itulah dia... I must limit myself, and be choosy about what I AND THE CHILDREN watch on TV.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

my life and other people's lives

Why should I envy other people's lives? Sometimes I sit and watch people, and I know each of these people have their own set of issues. No matter who they are. The rich wishes for more love. The one with pangkat tinggi, wishes for more valuable time with their children and family. The popular wishes for more privacy and time. The good looking ones wishes for more sincerity, while wondering if they themselves can be sincere. Everybody has their own set of problems. And in the end, when death approaches and Alam Kubur and Akhirat fills your heart with fear and your mind with worry, nothing else in this world seems to matter - except that you hope the good deeds you did are accepted, your contributions used in Allah's way and your children prays for you and help save you from Allah's wrath.

Each one of us, is just a part of this huge number of human beings being put on earth by Allah. Each and every single one of us, will be judged for our deeds no matter how small. Each one of us have a very important role to play for ourselves.

I just need to be thankful of what I already have. And strive to make the best of what I have, to make others better. So Ya Malikil Quddus, help me be the best that I can be. And best is when I can make a difference, in a good way, to others, starting with my family. And don't let me stray into the path of those who have strayed. Ameen.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Diversities within diversities - Individuals are basically the same

MasyaAllah. In this world ni eh.. the are many many kinds of people.. but finally within this many many kind.. you find the same type of people. Confusing? Wait.. wait.. let me explain..

Firstly kan, we can classify people like the 'Westerns', the 'Asian's etc. Then within this Asians, there are the Arabs, the Chinese, Malays.. kaza wa kaza. (etc etc.. in arabic). Then, of course within the Malays ni.. there are Malays of the different religions.. the Hindus, the Christians and the Muslims.. Then within the Malay Muslims ni, there are... I shall call call it the 'non practising Muslims' and the 'practising Muslims'. (Non practising ni, meaning, they believe in Allah and Rasulullah, but they don't pray regularly, maybe fasting ah, or go for Jumaat prayers or pay zakat etc.)

Then, within these practising Muslims, there are still different kinds of people.

Last time, I was among the non practising Muslims, then Alhamdulillah, dapat hidayah sikit, start understanding what Islam really is, begin to appreciate it A LOT and started practising. Of course there is A LOT MORE room for improvements.

But the thing I'm trying to highlight is the perception I had of the practising Muslims, when I was among the non-practising ones.. I thought of them to be of a different level, very different from me. Then when I started practising after a few years, I begin to want to know more and I signed up for a proper Islamic Studies. And I had the chance to meet these people of the 'practising group', yang ustaz, yang ustazah, yang wara', yang suka volunteer kaza wa kaza.

Then I find that even within this group, there are many types of people. There are the sincere ones, the cakap besar kind, the easy going type, the fun type, the ngada2 type, kaza wa kaza.. These are the same types you meet in the non practising group, and in fact in any other groups of people mentioned above.

So you see the thing is.. within this smaller groups basically INDIVIDUALS are the same. The different types of individuals exists in every group - the sincere, unsincere, aksen.. etc..

Just because you see somebody wearing tudung or songkok, it doesn't mean that they are infallible - takde buat maksiat or salah. In fact, there are some non-practising Muslims who have a more sincere heart than a practising ones. If they practise, then their status is way above. The only thing that differentiates one individual from another, to Allah is Iman - not from kaum puak mana or orang mana dia campur.

On top of that, we don't know our destined end. Takut orang tu nampak baik almost all their life, tapi dalam hati tak sincere.. then end up masa dekat mati tu.. kufur or not in a very nice state. But yang sincere tu.. maybe whole life tak practise, skali time dah nak dekat mati tu.. Allah kasi hidayat.. and mati dia in a state of goodness. So, so so.. kita tak boleh nak kata orang senang2 aje.

Itulah cerita dia...... I really don't mind mixing with anyone, in fact I want to mix with all kinds of people. But we must remember that our peers influences us no matter how little their influence is. So for close friends.. choose one that can influence you the right way. But other than that I feel I don't need to restrict acquaintances.... in fact kalau boleh dapat kawan dengan samseng pun.. I'd be happy - it'd be interesting to know what goes on in their lives.. and who knows insyaAllah can even guide them to Allah's way.

Wallahu a'lam.