It all comes back to...

I remember the past.

I was not the girl I wish I was. And now, I am not the woman I wish I am.

I want to be more consistent, more firm, more calm.

I am quite weak.  I sometimes easily sway with the soft breeze.  ('.... hold your station').

There are things that I still remember clearly that I wish I have never said or done.   Mostly with clinging on to something that does not belong.   I wish I was stronger.  I wish I had a clearer mind and heart.   I wish it was a clean and nice cut.   I always linger a bit too long.

I guess I want to feel that I'm wanted, and to be acknowledged.

I know God will acknowledge.  Some of my wishes and prayers were answered clearly.  And God has saved me, in many many ways that I realise, and many more ways that I have not realised or will never realise.

In the end, it's Allaah whom I want to love and it's Allaah whom I want to be loved by.