They ask me what I felt when I first saw the Ka'bah' and if any 'miraculous' thing happened to me. I have to disappoint them by saying that nothing 'miraculous' happened.
Before the trip I imagined that when I saw the Ka'bah for the first time, I'd be crying. Just imagining and thinking about it, I sometime felt so touched and tears welled up in my eyes.
However, quite disturbing to me initially, was the fact that I didn't tear when I first saw the Ka'bah. We arrived Makkah after 9pm. We were not very fresh. The group leader brought us to Masjidil Haram, from the Hotel. Once we entered Masjidil Haram, we could see the Ka'bah, but there was no time to dwell into my awe or feelings or thoughts. There were many people moving and I was trying to stay out of their way. The group leader was saying something and then reciting a group doa upon seeing Ka'bah. And everyone was just trying to stick together and can only saying Aameen, Aameen to a doa that I can't hear properly, not to mention, don't exactly know what it means. I think I may have even forgotten to just say the words that Rasulullah's companions (R.A) used to say when they see the Ka'bah (Allahumma antassalam...).
People told me of miraculous happenings when they suddenly had access to the Hajar Aswad, where the many people around like as if split like the Red Sea must have split for Nabi Musa A.S. - so they could walk straight to Hajar Aswad and kissed it. Nothing like that happened for me.
After the chaotic first encounter with the Ka'bah, I had many chances to go to Masjidil Haram on my own. It was during those times that I was able to peacefully do my own prayers and doas and contemplate as I look at the Ka'bah in awe at the many historical events that had occurred here - from the time of Nabi Ibrahim A.S, Nabi Ismail A.S, Rasulullah SAW, the trials and tribulations, the conquest the victory. And now, masyaAllah, how the whole world is facing this place that I was looking at to perform their prayers. Allah has 'invited' my family and I here.. I was allowed to be here, masyaAllah.
Just then a petite and lovely old lady from East Europe (I think) who was standing beside me, also looking at the Ka'bah, said 'La hawla wala quwwata illa billah' (There is no change/improvement or power except by Allah SWT).
Immediately I felt a sense of connection to her. I turned to her and we smiled at each other with the deepest feelings inside, which is somewhat reflected in her facial expression.
We are one - one ummah - praying The One God. We wouldn't have made it here, if not for the Will of Allah SWT alone.
When comes the Help of Allah, and Victory,
And thou dost see the people enter Allah's Religion in crowds,
Celebrate the praises of thy Lord, and pray for His Forgiveness: For He is Oft-Returning (in Grace and Mercy).
An Nasr 110:1-3
I guess my excitements and the 'miracles' I encountered were more subtle. It may be easily missed or dismissed if one does not pay attention to the small bits of blessings Allah SWT provide to us constantly.
I sincerely don't feel disappointed for not having experienced amazing 'miracles'. I am just so very grateful to Allah SWT that I was even ABLE to be in Makkah and Madinah with my whole family. It was what I have always dreamed of doing, and it became possible quite suddenly.
I hope that Allah SWT accept our humble and imperfect Umrah. I also pray that Allah SWT will provide us with more of such chances to visit Baituallah and Madinah again, and hopefully next time, more we aim to perform it better. Aamiin.
p.s. But I do have some little stories I hope to keep in this blog. Will update when
Here to see pictures.