my mother's passing

My mom was a fighter. She had many conditions and sometimes some injuries, but she has always put up a brave and strong front. However she would shout, if the nurses did not treat her gently and causing too much pain. She was on dialysis 3 times a week for the last 2 years plus.

Last week, when her condition was very bad, she still held on for as long as she could.

I was on my way to the hospital, when the doctor called to ask me an urgent question, if my mom's heart stops beating, what do I want them to do? Do I want them to perform CPR or do whatever they can to force the heart to beat or do they do nothing? She was not getting any better. I said, I would call her back in an hour or two, to discuss with my brother and father first. She said, but they need an answer for now - if it happens now, before I call back, what do they do?

I said, ok, do nothing. It was last Thursday.

My mind went blank for a while. I am just hoping now that I can reach the hospital before anything happens. I updated my family.

My mom's heart was not beating well already, even a slow dialysis is putting too much for her heart. Not doing dialysis builds up toxin into her heart also. It's bad both ways. She is also not able to digest her liquid food well.

I accept her time is near. My father and I told the doctor that it is our hope that she could pass away after maghrib - because for the Muslim, it would mean a lot to pass away on a Muslim's Friday (which begins at maghrib). Of course we totally understand that she is only human and Allaah has decreed her death at a very specific time. (And for all people a term has been set: and when [the end of] their term approaches, they can neither delay it by a single moment, nor can they hasten it. 7:34) We can only now make doa.

We stayed by her side, and try not to say anything else, other than 'laa ilaaha illallaah' and 'allaah', stroking her forehead gently, hoping for her to be peaceful and not afraid - laa hawfun 3alaihim, wa laahum yahzanuun. Between that, I was making a very very earnest doa, that Allaah keep her going till maghrib. Please, let her go on a Friday. Please, make it easy for my mother. Please make her see beautiful things. Please forgive her and have mercy on her.

The doctor called me out at about 5pm plus, to inform me that her heart rate has started to fall. It may fall slowly, then a plateau, and then a sharp fall. I asked her how long sometimes that takes.. she said, it's still hard to tell, because it differs for people.. it could be 2 hours or even whole night. I thanked the doctor.

I went in and continue to make my earnest doa. We took turns to go down, to let the grandchildren and her in laws see her for the last time. Due to the outbreak, only 4 person allowed to visit at any one time.

While we are by her, we continued stroking her head, and uttering the important words. When she winced a bit, I'd read the doa for Allaah to relieve pain. and then I continued with 'allaah, allaah, laa ilaaha illallaah', still stroking her head gently. still earnestly in my heart praying for maghrib to come fast. Every second counted.

When I came back up for my turn, in the lift, maghrib approached. I rushed to the room - and the monitor showed 0. My brother said, she had just passed away. Just at the stroke of maghrib, it hit 0. And then the azan sounded from the phone, and the heart beat a bit more and back to 0. MasyaaAllaah. Alhamdulillaah. I kissed my mom's forehead, I forgot if I actually whispered, 'well done mak' but I was thinking it.

Mak passed away on 13th Feb 2020, doctor's record said : 7.36pm
By our record, it was 7.22pm Maghrib, 20 Jamadilakhir 1436H - a Friday full of barakah.

Alhamdulillaah, we also managed to arrange for her solat jenazah prayer to be held after the jumuah prayers at Pusara Aman Mosque - because I was really aiming for the many people who would be around to participate in the solat jenazah.

Alhamdulilaah, Thank you Allaah for answering all my prayers. Only by Allaah's mercy and will.

Please make doa for my mother - that Allaah forgive her and have mercy on her : Norliah Bte Abdullah.